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( what up . dude) [01 Sep 2007|07:17pm] just a brief update I have two incredible roommate, one being ashley nelson the other being matt fishbeck. matt and i went camping, dj'd at mountain bar every tuesday, attended art shows, pulled many an all nighter discussing music, literature, and art. ashley and i wrote at chango, got offered the idea of opening our own gallery, and made vegan meals once a day and ate them on our beautiful grass- only to fall asleep for our ritual, but not planned, afternoon nap. matt adopted jazzzper to complete the family. holly moved to berkeley, i visited her twice. her place is amazing and berkeley is beautiful. went to the De young museum and was blown away by the architecture. matt and i are going cross-country for a few weeks which means i may be taking a semester off school, dont be worried, i'll be able to make a comeback. this year has just been rough, im still only twenty, worrying less about immediate enrollment in a university, but not wasting my time in the mean while. adventuring. i dont have internet and honestly, staring at the screen for this long has made me sick so ciao.

( what up . dude) [15 Jun 2007|07:43pm] im exhausted and have been going nonstop doing wonderful things lately. if you wanted a brief update i moved to echo park. i live in a four bedroom house walking distance from the echo with two girls and a guy. theyre all rad. sweet vintage furniture, records, jasper my pup is there. porch, backyard with an avocado tree and magnolia tree. i wake up early and walk my dog to the coffee shop down the street next to a bunch of cool little shops. ive met some rad people there and everyone sits outside and smokes pot. my neighbor smoked me out and i could write a whole entry on how rad is he. jasper's been amazing and sara's been in town from berlin which is also amazing. ive been helping out at this art space and working with erica from mountain party and matt fishbeck with his installation. its amazing and i dont want to get into it but im learning so much and doing so much and am completely inspired and doing cool shit. ive been writing. im going to learn strings (viola, violin, cello). everydays an adventure and beautiful. i love life on the eastside and all the creativity fueling everyone. one thing i learned about orange county is how narrow-minded fuckheads, meaning close to everyone (hey i was even one now that i really reflect) is so judgemental and shuts down anything somewhat creative unless they are told its cool by someone else which limits themselves, their cognitive processes, and imagination. im not sating im a newfound artist all the sudden but i'm breaking boundaries i set for myself through the bullshit of other people's opinions. amazing shit is going on, get on the bandwagon.

( what up . dude) [15 May 2007|08:48am] i have a favor to ask. i need pictures of me from middle school and high school. if theyre some what okay please send them to me. also this is a serious thing so dont send any of me doing anything iffy, no sleaze, no alcohol. one is better than none, PLEASE HELP!

( what up . dude) [11 May 2007|10:31am] the only down falls to living in a tent last night i got off of work around midnight and came home but of course at midnight on a thursday none of the boys were home so i was unable to brush my teeth or wash my face and went to bed feeling a little lonely (not that any of the boys every accompany me in the tent, but still) i wake up this morning, deny my alarm clock so i wake up too late for yoga (not that living in doors would have helped that one. man i wish i wasnt so lazy lately) with all the amazing plants and rosemary and HUGE aloe, and sage, and all these other crazy plants, for some reason my tent has no shade. so around 9-10 it starts to get very very hot and i get a little sweaty (keep in mind i wasnt able to wash my face or brush my teeth so im not feeling too fresh. i go to the slider hoping someone for some reason unlocked the door when they came home last night- negative. so now i havent brushed my teeth, i havent washed my face, and i have to go #2. this is a problem. i text messaged one of the boys, no reply just yet. i definitly dont want to wake them up cause that sucks. so i have the option of walking down the hill to go get coffee, but i did laundry yesterday before work and left it in the dryer of the house. these are my problems, i dont think you can sympathize but that's okay. i wish you all a great weekend with many a face wash and teeth brush and easy #2s.

( . dude) [30 Apr 2007|10:10am] i cant comprehend a single thing that my biology teacher is discussing. will someone please learn and memorize the entire circulatory system and every vein and artery in the body, where the come from and where they go to. can you also memorize the composition of the artery and vein walls because im far too hung over from coachella. oh i broke my phone in the pool. which means i now have 100 dollars to my name, i live in a tent, im driving on empty (better get a bike!), i need to disappear and do homework all week and now that i have no cell phone or connection to the outside world that just might happen! if i dont do it, i may die. i have a 15 page research paper to write as well as a few other papers. i think that maybe if i talk about it enough it will disappear itself. what do you think?

( what up . dude) [28 Apr 2007|01:22pm] i tried selling my soul to the chef here at my work for vip wrist bands to coachella. he wouldnt buy it. i dont get it. whats wrong with my soul?!

( what up . dude) [27 Apr 2007|06:10pm] so life just got kinda crazy. i have 100 dollars in my bank account and a car filled with all my belongings. i took a midterm yesterday and have about 20 pages to write for english as well as study every structure of the heart for my biology exam. i moved on the hottest day and tomorrow i will be setting up a tent in my friend's backyard in silverlake. i got really high right before work and realized this summer is going to be splendid! my friend's backyard is like a little jungle with all these incredible trees and the light seeps in soo beautifully. its completely mystical. there's a huge old birdcage lined with ivy that i wanna get love birds for. my tent is going to be filled with pillows, candles, incense, books. ill work four days a week and ride my bike everywhere to save on gas money. ill spend the majorities of my day at a park or the beach reading and listening to music. bbqs. and late nights drinking wine on the roof of brent's house. brent and i are gonna go to maui this summer to venture around the island, hiking, beaching, yoga, surfing, anything that comes our way! my birthday is next week... kinda cool. im mainly just excited for this upcoming summer. i feel that living on my own up here will be incredible.

( what up . dude) [24 Apr 2007|10:37am] xiu xiu and sunset rubdown tonight... anyone going?

( what up . dude) [18 Apr 2007|01:59pm] i havent really discussed my living situation on here very much and the times i have mentioned anything its always been in a very positive way. truth be told i hate where i live. i hate my living situation. last night laying in bed brent asked me what i was going to do tomorrow (today), i thought for a quick second and replied with "changing my entire world around." thats just what i did. i feel this whole 180 about to happen. this past week ive felt an uneasiness in the energy surrounding me. like the universe is telling me something intrinsically. inside ive been moving at the speed of light and today i was able to collect my thoughts and make some progression towards a place in life that ive been held back from. if you knew carolyn and the situation ive been in for the past year you would understand. unfortunately holly is the only one ive been able to discuss this with on a day by day basis so its pretty impossible to go into detail. im just marking today as the beginning of a big change in my life. 2007 man. whata start. 2006 ended rough, ive been through a lot since then that i havent really discussed with one specific individual but i feel the individual inside me who has always been there in the back of my mind is breaking through. i hope to obtain more clarity and remain on the right path. i am capable of everything. sometimes you just have those times in your life were youre not able to do everything and sometimes everything is just embracing you with inspiration and motivation. just need to find the means to my end. i love and thank everyone for every experience and aspect of our being, for every time we've interacted, exchanged energy in any shape or form... for thats what life is. we grow a little bit from every second of just BEING. life is a trip man, i dig.

( what up . dude) [18 Apr 2007|10:16am] brent's his name awesome's his game.

( . dude) [12 Apr 2007|09:33pm] fuck man i dunno what the deal is but ive never had a friend who i consider one of my best just straight up disappear. no returned phone calls. no explanation. i dont know if i did something or what that could have possibly been. i havent seen sandra since the funeral and after that maybe one or two times of speaking over the phone or aim. i full on dont know what to do. leave it to her to be the first friend to just vanish, spontaneously combust, float away. i dont get it. its not like i havent attempted. maybe the friendship isnt reciprocal. boggles my mind to think that. by god, what has happen? note: if you have the whereabouts for my dear friend sandra, or know anything regarding her disappearance from my life, please comment below.

( what up . dude) [10 Apr 2007|08:19am] i made dean's list. kinda a big deal especially since im one of the girls who dropped out of highschool, spent my last semester high and drunk everyday and then graduated. now im a smart pre-med student, studying for midterms on the roof of my dude's house in echolake silverpark. he has the most amazing avocado tree and i could get used to this whole roof studying/kissing as the sun sets.

( what up . dude) [05 Apr 2007|06:02pm] i went and saw his band play last night. finally got to hang out with holly all alone. bff night out. it was wonderful. after the show we went to the boys' house. they have this amazing window that has an incredible view but its normally covered up so he moved all the stuff and opened the window and we hung out on the ledge and rolled a few joints. its still pretty mellow but we kiss in public. he even kissed me at his show. thats kinda a big deal- right? not trying to speak too soon but if i got a boyfriend id be pretttty stoked. sunday is easter. aka the end of my six weeks of sobriety. i really did it. i made it six weeks without drinking. im so proud of myself and so down to open a bottle of bubbly to celebrate. my birthday is in a month. i think the boys and holly and i are gonna go to mexico for my birthday. have a fiesta or something cause its gonna be cinco de mayo. iii iii iiiii! and the dude and i are hopefully gonna be able to go to maui this summer. spend a week under the sun making out on the beach and running around naked in the waterfalls. mushrooms. mmm im excited. hopefully carolyn will let me leave the mainland or i might go crazy.

( what up . dude) [01 Apr 2007|12:45pm] if you would like to hear about my amazingly romantic day at the beach with the dude go ahead and inquire via myspace message. its a little too long to post via livejournal and i dont think every single person on here cares. but a little update- i think for the first time in over a year in a half im actually dating someone somewhat seriously.

( . dude) [27 Mar 2007|08:58am] i miss gaby. i find myself picking up my phone to dial her number and then i realize she's on the other side of the world. then sometimes i daydream of me being on the other side of the world. building a shack on the turkish coast. living on the ocean and watching the sunset. ohh what a life!

( what up . dude) [27 Mar 2007|08:10am] we're going to the griffith observatory, smoking bowls and watching these trippy science movies, and tidepools. i had to move my car and when i came back in he was jamming on the piano. my head's all fuzzy. did i mention i got a kiss on the cheek goodbye? it was cute. i think i found a gentleman.

( what up . dude) [21 Mar 2007|10:24am] i really love meeting mellow people. met some babe after i went to the tidepools and hung out with him last night after i studied a bit. rolled a fatty j and cruised over to his house in silverlake got high, listened to his roommate roll around and play guitar. their house is amazing and this whole time im thinking... is this guy in a band or something? he's too much of a babe- am i oblivious and i should know who he is? its a small world in la p.s. we're planning a trip to the tidepools in malibu. it will consist of pot n mushies, discovery channel lessons from dr. meryl, and hopefully music on the beach as the dolphins glide by as the sunsets.

( . dude) [14 Mar 2007|11:35am] im torn. i want to go out to lunch, but i want to do homework. so if anyone is in the la area and wants to get lunch at this new urth/M cafe place i heard about then lemme know. i think ill multitask and do both. join me in one of the two!

( what up . dude) [12 Mar 2007|10:28am] ive been so inspired lately and frustrated at the same time. i was on the verge of giving up. i broke down. stumbled outside and cried. i cried and shook. i felt the air and everything around me and just got it all out. i found someone amazing, in the last place i expected to find someone whos vibes and thoughts coincide on such a refreshing level. he gives me hope and i can officially say the random friend i just made at my local coffee shop is the best person ive met in la so far. ive been patiently waiting for this. not even in a relationship way but just removing myself from the presence of people who just dont get it and who's conversations dont stimulate me. i asked him to watch my stuff real quick as i went to go look up the number to the el ray. come back and start talking about the mountain goats show and then get into a couple hour conversation about Krishnamurti and so much more. surprisingly he's taken a bunch of my science classes because he wants to do homeopathic healing and traveling to other countries to help. he lived in Guatemala with a doctor and was in charge of a clinic out there. we talked about trippy biology stuff and the house he lives in with all these crazy musicians and artists in los feliz. i dunno, i guess he's just super mellow and its nice to finally have someone where conversation just follows in such a beautiful current. p.s. i went to teddy's on friday for the first time in three weeks and i dont think ill ever go again. sober life is weird. but i think its helping me realize that i need to make a change in who i surround myself with. i wanna get drunk with fun people who converse about things i want to listen to. ive been drinking to make it so i can put up with conversations about nothing. im done with that. as for last night after i met this guy, cassie comes and pick me up. we begin driving to the el ray and see a hick hitcher so we pick him up. ends up his vespa battery died so we gave him a ride to his car. then went to the el ray to find out the mountain goats show was sold out. ask around. find out the ticket booth has only one ticket. cassie asks some old bald guy wearing a super old legit sonic youth shirt. sketchy he tells us he does and to hold on. goes to the ticket booth and then walks away from the venue. we go up to the ticket booth and they give us two tickets for free and we cruise in. saw an amazinggggg show. james said john gave me the free tickets. <3 thanks babe. sometimes when im listening to music i can feel him wrap his arms around me. it gets me through it all, as cheesy as it sounds, its once of the most intense things i have ever felt. the presence of someone who is no longer breathing. its a trip.

( . dude) [08 Mar 2007|07:44pm] im still liquor free but desperately in need of some ganja. i try to put a smile on my face everyday but there is so much i want to do with life and so much i feel im being held back from.

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